Ten Years Gone
It's been ten years since my son Caleb Andrew Dubas passed away. It would be wrong not to honor him yet the grim reminder of this upcoming milestone has been weighing on my heart long before it's arr...
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Caleb Andrew Dubas
April 6, 2013 — October 14, 2014
The Stories
I Still Believe
Like a ship without a rudder, I think the more I reflect, the more I'm realizing I have been drifting at sea when it comes to my relationship with God. When tragedy strikes you can either run to God ...
Read StoryNot Five
April 6, 2018 When I got home from work this evening my daughter was in the kitchen baking and though this is fairly normal, what I found strange was that she had a blanket hanging on the handle of t...
Read StoryMercy Lord
In the very early morning hours around 3 am after my son Caleb passed away, I found myself completely broken and my spirit was consumed with deep sorrow. I recall very vividly that moment when the wei...
Read StoryNot Four
As Caleb's birthday approaches on April 6th and as much as I try to run from my son's death, the more I get reminded there's no other way other than to find healthy ways to process his passing. My def...
Read StoryNew Beginnings
When my wife and I learned some 11 months ago we would be having another child the news came with mixed emotions. I think fear was very real and in the front of our minds especially for my wife whom ...
Read StoryNot Three…
Though things have been going "fairly" well, it doesn't take much to depress me when it comes to Caleb. If Caleb were still alive, we would be celebrating his third birthday April 6, 2016. Though I ex...
Read StoryIt Doesn’t Go Away…
The loss of a child runs deep… It’s been 15 months now since my son has passed away. Most days are seemingly normal for the most part with exception to triggered thoughts that come from nowhere. Watc...
Read StoryRest In Peace Caleb Andrew Dubas
Wednesday October 14, 2014. I wasn't sure what this day would bring. It's definitely emotional. I woke up at around 5:00 AM mountain time to my phone vibrating with messages. I had a lot of work emai...
Read StoryHe’s Not Coming Home
Next to giving my son's lifeless body CPR and giving him my own breath, the second most difficult thing I've had to endure was to call my wife from the emergency room at Lehigh Valley Hospital to tel...
Read StoryDifferent Place
Eleven months and ten days since Caleb Andrew Dubas has passed away and I am in a different place. Every day I go to work, I see the majestic rocky mountains and nearly every evening I watch the suns...
Read StoryMemorial Monument
My entire family and I recently relocated to Colorado. Things in our lives have been very hectic as one might imagine moving a family of eight halfway across the country. I haven't felt led or inspir...
Read StoryFrom a Glance to First Visit. The Grave.
Caleb Andrew Dubas was laid to rest at a small cemetery at Salem Bible Church in Macungie, PA and is also where we are church members. We decided on Salem cemetery because in a way, we wanted Caleb c...
Read StoryCostly Cleanup
Today probably should be something better than it is since its my birthday however I never really liked the attention a day like this brings. I haven't really given it much thought other than noticin...
Read StoryNot Two
Today has started it would seem like any other day but the weight I did not want to give this day is here and parts of me wants to ignore it and act as if it never happened but reality dictates a much...
Read StorySubtle Reminders…
Tonight my family and I went to a Chinese all you can eat buffet in Allentown. It was to use a gift certificate generously donated to use after Caleb passed away. Doing things as a family since Caleb ...
Read StoryCounting the Cost
Priceless has a whole new meaning in my life. I say priceless because in every aspect life truly is a priceless gift from God. I say priceless in respect to it's impossible to weigh on a scale or atta...
Read StoryFission of My Heart…
I sit here searching the depths of my sorrow. Confined in a dungeon against my will. The fission of my heart has lead me to this place. It wasn't a clean cut. No, the jagged tear of my beating heart i...
Read StoryPieces of Me…
It's December 25, 2014. I awoke today about 5:30 AM without the ability to fall back to sleep. This is not new and normally my restlessness on this day would be because the ensuing joy that would soo...
Read StoryA Present from Caleb
A few days before Caleb passed away, I remember being in my bedroom and I started to hear what sounded like a pencil on the wall. Over the years most of our kids have wanted to draw on more than just...
Read StoryThe Elephant in the Room… What Happened That Day
This entry starts with the Pennsylvania state police returning my security camera PC October 21, 2014. The recordings of which contain the last moments Caleb Andrew Dubas spent on this earth. Though ...
Read StoryThe Pond has to Go!
After experiencing the "Darkness of the Pond" that night Caleb passed away, I knew nothing would stop by determination to destroy it. The darkness of the pond seemed to taunt me that night to say, "I ...
Read StoryDarkness of the Pond
The decision to have a fish pond is not without controversy in our home. This journal entry comes with a very heavy heart as it's so easy after the fact to enter judgement against a bad decision. Tru...
Read StoryThe Switch, All For His Gloy
Because of social media, word traveled fast about my son Caleb. My wife made a plea early on Facebook for prayer and in brief postings explained the grave situation we were facing. I was still very n...
Read StoryTiffany Dubas – Best Mom Ever
Here I am at 7:30 am preparing for my day checking my work email, personal email, Facebook notifications and another thing I always do is review my security camera footage because I like to see what ...
Read StoryGod Said, “NO”
Finding words is perhaps the most difficult aspect of trying to describe the aftermath of losing Caleb. In the first few hours, I did not entirely understand what happened. One moment life is rainbow...
Read StoryRoutines Challenged
Today, October 28, 2014 marks 14 days since Caleb has passed but more importantly it has been 15 full days since my family and I have had a sit down meal together without guests. The outpouring of su...
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